| Medicated, drama queen, picture perfect, numb belligerence; |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
|
| Trekkie Love |
[11 May 2009|12:21am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 happy |
] |
I've seriously never seen Star Trek in my life, but I saw the movie on Friday and I really liked it. It was funny, and not as dorky as I assumed it would be. Plus Chris Pine had really pretty blue eyes. Ohh and oddly enough I was kind of attracted to Zachery Quinto's strange slanty Spock eyebrows, and he had a nice bod. They kept panning his bod over and over too. I loved how serious he was. Oh and the guy in Charlie Bartlett was in it and he was soo cutee. Also there was a hilarious Scottish guy. A Scottish accent makes things like ten times funnier. I was laughing so hard at the beginning, the young captain Kirk is speeding, a cop signals him to pull over, he speeds off instead and the car crashes into a ravine and he jumps out at the last second and he's just like what seems to be the problem officer? Oh and also John Cho was in it from Harold and Kumar. He was great. I also loved that guy who said good, god, man all the time. It was a good night, until I got really drunk, blacked out and when I came to I was with a guy who was snorting cocaine off a toilet seat. I was like.... well it's time for me to hit the old... dusty trail. LOL. Crack is whack.
♥
|
(1 Comment |♥| Love me?)
|
| I Love Spring |
[23 Apr 2009|04:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
jubilant |
] |
Today has been the best day ever. I'm very very happy. Why?
I feel like I aced my History test
My school work load is way down from last term
I got a full body wax today and I feel all smooth and glow-y
101! Just in time for Prom tomorrow
Prom is tomorrow
It's spring!
I'm out to dinner with my best friends right now.
Which is also why this is so brief.
♡
|
(3 Comments |♥| Love me?)
|
| 420 (: |
[20 Apr 2009|07:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
high |
] |
I'm high as fuck.
Soooo, here's what happened today. I woke up at two o'clock and I was like FUCKKK. I DIDN'T GO TO SCHOOL. So then instead of being mature and responsible, and doing something like asking around for what I missed, I went to a 420 party. My best friend picked me up at three and we went to this townhouse. It was a friend of mine whose parents are out of town for the week, and he had like sixty people over to his house. I'm kind of ashamed of myself for being so irresponsible today, but 420 does only come once a year. I just don't want people to think I skipped school for 420, because it was an accident. Whatever. The party was awesome. Going to parties during the daytime is sweet. You know like I'm home in time to watch Gossip Girl in a bit. So I wore a little dress, which was a bad idea, because I haven't smoked pot in like two months so my tolerance is way down, and I got higher than I have ever been in my life. There were like sixty people in one room all smoking. You could barely see because there was so much smoke. I came out and I looked like I had the worst fucking case of pink eye you've ever seen. I could barely even open my eyes. I thought they were wide open but I looked in the mirror and NOPE.
Back to the dress, so this guy tells me this really funny joke. I can't even remember what it was he told me. Anyway, I laughed so hard I fell over and exposed my panties to everyone, which was greeeaat.
So 420 and fasting, a bad combo. I went until about five without eating. Then pizza arrived, but I mean one slice of pizza is 600 calories, so I couldn't do it. There was food everywhere though. After a while I broke down and I took apart a burger, and ate one burger patty, and I painstakingly wiped off the ketchup ad mayonaise and tried to get as much grease out as possible, and then I had a vanilla milkshake, which was heaven. No, I really thought I was in heaven. So I had my tiny bit of food, and my guy friends were making fun of me. They were like it's fucking 420, that's all you're having? So I was like if you don't eat, the high lasts longer. Then they were like so you smoke some more! I did smoke more weed, but I didn't eat more food. Plus, right after I ate the patty and the milkshake, I threw up, which I haven't done in a long time. Throwing up high was... strange. I looked at my throw up and I thought it was hilarious. It looked like cookies and cream iced cream. You know with the bits of burger and the milkshake. Ohh now there's a nice image.
It was just really fun though, like a room full of people high off their asses, laughing at everything. There was really great music too. I made out with my best friend again, and I think people took pictures. Yikes. So then we were trying to figure out like what movie to watch because he had this great big tv, and we kept on getting really sidetracked. We watched Family Guy, and I don't really like that show. It's alright, but it was great because I was high and they did like a special 420 episode. I laughed so hard at this one part. Brian gets weed legalized in their town, and then Lois's dad says if he gets it re-illegalized, he'll publish Brian's book. And Stewie's like don't sell out, Brian. Your book is good enough to get published on its own.... merit..... And Brian's like really? And Stewie goes... yyyeahhh. Hilarious. Eventually someone put on Dodgeball, which I just watched three days ago, but I was laughing like a freak. Actually so were most people, but there's this one part of Dodgeball that KILLS me, even when I'm sober. When that guy goes: Necessary?! Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine? No! But it's sterile and I like the taste. I couldn't breathe. Because I'm just so mature.
Then we got on to talking about how the mayor of New York was a stoner. Ohhh good old Mayor Bloomberg. He was asked if he smoked weed, and he said: "You bet I did. And I enjoyed it." I love it. Then the legalize it stuff came up. I don't think it will ever be legalized, and it doesn't matter to me. If it gets legalized, I'll smoke lots of weed. If it doesn't, I'll smoke lots of weed. There's a slight chance it could be decriminalized minimally, and that makes sense. I don't think you should be thrown in jail with crack and meth addicts for getting caught with two grams of weed.
Sooo it's time for me to go do homework like a good little seventeen-year-old, then go watch GG, thanks to my trusty Tivo, and then bed and SCHOOL TOMORROW.
♥
|
(1 Comment |♥| Love me?)
|
| Happy |
[19 Apr 2009|10:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Put Your Hands Up for Detroit - Fedde Le Grand |
] |
Sooo I feel really high on life right now, no drugs involved which is nice. I had the best time ever in Cabo. My friends are just fanastic. XD
I just saw 17 Again with my three best friends. It was REALLY BAD. But like a good bad. It was cute, cheesy, and a cringer. Every moment it was like oh no, he did not just. I still am not over my lusty attraction to Zac Efron. I told myself I wasn't going to be one of those girls who finds him hot, but there I was... OHHH MY GOD LIKE HE'S JUST SUCH A BABE. I must be cured. Or not? He's getting older now, and as he ages he gets hotter and hotter to the point where it's like WHOA whoa... slow down there, Zac. Also this is my second journal entry where Zac Efron is involved. This says something about my sanity.
Soo I'm starting Mission: Fit Into Prom Dress tomorrow, basically a four day fast. I'm really excited. Plus I've been on Hoodia and I lost seven pounds in two days, so thank you Hoodia.
So you know when you decide you want to be with someone for the rest of your life? Fuck men. I'm going to marry my best friend. (;
Emma Swan Hey, soul mate. so i had an epiphany - i realized that no matter how long your gone for when you come back it feels like you never left.. i'm just thinking about how much you mean to me, and like who else would hold my hair back while i puke? just thought you should know that your always my bffaeaeaeae =D 12:09 · Comment · LikeUnlike · See Wall-to-Wall
Love her. I mean who else would skip down Lexington at night with me, singing Fedde Le Grand, and replacing put your hands up for detroit with put your hands up for new york. It was so funny we were like I LOVE THIS CITY. And this guy was like HEY, SHUT THE FUCK UP, and my friend B was like UP YOURS, ASS WOUND. I really do love this city.
*tear*
♥
|
(1 Comment |♥| Love me?)
|
| Day Ten - Blahhh |
[08 Apr 2009|10:27am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
102.4
My head is killing me. Everything aches. I don't think my body is very happy with me. So, I've lost fourteen pounds in ten days. Not what I was aiming for, but better than nothing. Honestly, I feel like I'm falling apart right now, like I keep getting this pain in my hip and my ankle, like they're about to detach or something. I don't think I've been drinking enough water. Last night, I got a really bad head rush and my head hurt like so bad, and I couldn't see. My stomach was growling all night, and I've never had such severe hunger pains than last night. Lots of people have told me if you get hungry, hit your stomach and it'll subside a little, so I did. Surprisingly, it kind of worked. Wow. Just right now I got the most awful pain down the center of my stomach. My friends say I look "all pale and weird."
Mmmm. Nap time.
Update
Well, for fuck's sake. I just lost fourteen pounds in ten days, and then my parents show up around three, and told me they were taking me home for a surprise family dinner. I was 102 and now I'm 103.4 now, so I've gained a pound. And it gets even better, tomorrow we're having Maundy Thursday dinner, then Good Fucking Friday dinner, and on Saturday, Holy Fucking Saturday dinner, and on Sunday the calorie fest of them all, Fucking Easter Sunday. Well fan-fucking-tastic carbs and chocolate for all!
♥
|
(1 Comment |♥| Love me?)
|
| Day Eight - Wayy off the mark |
[06 Apr 2009|08:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sad |
] |
My trip to the hospital this weekend really has thrown me off. ): They insisted that I eat. Now, I'm...
106
instead of the intended 102 for today. I guess all I can do is keep going from here. At least I lost ten pounds.
♥
|
(3 Comments |♥| Love me?)
|
| Day Five - don't worry; be happy |
[03 Apr 2009|02:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
ecstatic |
] |
Today I'm really really happy because NO MORE MIDTERMS. It's such a beautiful thought. I have to get ready for the WE SURVIVED THE FUCKING MIDTERMS party. That's the official name, and I like it. This has to be short because my friends and I are going to do the thriller dance tonight so we need to practice, obviously. Yeahh, we're freaks. I'm aware.
Plus, I'M GOING TO CABO! In like seven days with my best friends. SO STOKED.
All I can think about right now is dancing, and how wasted I'm going to be in oh, five hours? That is if we wait that long to start drinking. (; If today wasn't so awesome I would be really bummed because....
109.6
For fucks sake. What the hell is that? I've barely eaten anything. I'm now officially behind on my weight loss plan. Whatever, I'm too happy right now. I'll worry about that tomorrow. I've decided I'm not going to worry about my weight, and let it ruin my whole weekend, and just be happy instead. I'm going to go get my makeup done now. I love being seventeen (:
HAPPY FRIDAY!
♥
|
(1 Comment |♥| Love me?)
|
| Day Four - All That and Brains Too |
[02 Apr 2009|01:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
full |
] |
I'm a bit short of the mark today. I am at the weight I intended for today, but I was hoping I would be one pound under it again like yesterday. I guess it really was the Adderall. I would take it everyday, but I just can't.
110.0
Now, I have to lose two pounds today or I'm going to get behind.
Last night, I felt so weird. I've been getting little muscle tremors, really bad headaches, and my stomach hurt so bad I couldn't sleep. Well, I need to study for about three hours and then my girls and I are going to watch the Jane Austen Book Club. Not because we like Jane Austen or anything. She's alright, but Hugh Dancy is like a dream. Ever since we saw Confessions of a Shopaholic, we just can't get enough of him.
Just for fun I'm going to comprise a list of male actors that I deem "sponge worthy." I have different taste than most though.
1. James Franco - Those cheekbones and that smile. I could melt. All that and brains too (;
2. William Mosely - Generally, I don't even like blonde guys, but he is such a pretty boy. I can barely stand it, and so outgoing and funny.
3. Ben Barnes - That is just one tall, dark, and handsome pretty boy.
4. Hugh Dancy - What can I say, I love love love British men. There's just something about him.
5. Joseph Gordon Levitt - The cutest thing I've ever seen, really intelligent, and a really talented actor.
6. Robert Pattinson - The British! So rugged and manly and at the same time pretty, but too shy for my liking.
7. Seth Rogen/ Jonah Hill - The only reason I would date a chubby guy, is if he was as hilarious as these two.
8. Johnny Depp - My older man crush. I think he's the same age as my father, but he's so hot that I don't care. So funny, quirky, and humble.
9. Nicholas Hault - I can't stress it enough. I adore the British. He does the brown hair and blue eyes bit to perfection.
10. Paul Dano - You know I met him once. He's so gorgeous, in his own way. He has so much personality as well.
Why Chace Crawford and Orlando Bloom are not on my list. I've decided that Chace Crawford is almost too pretty for me to be attracted to him. Orlando Bloom, also wayy too pretty. I guess they both seem a little too empty headed to me. Pretty but vapid. I've always thought of myself as really shallow, but I suppose when it comes down to it, I'm not as shallow as I thought. Personality is really important to me. I would never date a guy, just because he's good looking. He has to make me laugh and be able to have an intelligent conversation with me, or I'll just get bored. But I know girls who don't agree with me. =/
Okay, I definitely need to study now!
♥
Update
I had one bowl of soup at dinner. I thought I was hungry enough to have a second bowl, but I took two bites and wanted to throw up. That's how full I was. I wonder how much my stomach has shrunk. I wouldn't be surprised if it was the size of an apple now.
|
(6 Comments |♥| Love me?)
|
| Day Three - Quel Surprise |
[01 Apr 2009|08:35am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
surprised |
] |
I have my Biology midterm in less than thirty minutes. I spent about six hours studying yesterday, taking ten minute breaks here and there. I didn't do any studying this morning. I hate cramming directly before the exam, just gives me a headache. Instead I caught up with Gossip Girl. I just love that show so much. My friends and I planned what we're going to do this weekend. Maybe one party on Friday, then lounge around in our pajamas for the remainder of the weekend, watching classics like Pride and Prejudice, Dodgeball, and Half Baked, trying to put the horror of midterms behind us.
So, I'm in a really sunny disposition today. I woke up soo happy. Which is always the case the day after Adderall. I got a horrible sleep though. That's the problem with taking crack in tablet form. It's near impossible to go to bed at a normal hour. I just wanted to keep doing things.
But I'm ecstatic because I'm actualy under my weight goal for today to my pleasant surprise
111.4
Yay. That is the lowest I've been in months. I'm just so thankful I'm no longer stuck in the twenties. I won't be eating until dinner, and at breakfast I had lemon tea, which woke me up a little bit, but I'm still really tired. I hope I can rely on my genius to pull me through this exam, because my brain is barely functioning right now. Low blood sugar, low iron, no sleep, semi-dehydration. Bad combo for midterm week. I'm feeling pretty confident though. I know this material inside out and backward.
Oh something weird happened this morning. The back of my mouth really started to hurt when I drank some tea. It felt like it was swelling up a bit, but it went back down after I stopped drinking and now it's back to normal. Strange.
Whatever. After this week, I think I'm going to do a happy dance, because my exam schedule is ridiculous. I have Bio and Calculus today, I have Chemistry and Physics tomorrow. Then I have History and Psychology on Friday.
Ohh life! Good thing I'm in a good mood today.
Update
I was just thinking how different I am with my friends. I'm not so weird and eating disorder... ish. Haha. Only two people I know personally know about my ED, and they think I'm recovered now. I was just thinking, if I wasn't anorexic I would have so much more spare time. I would be less stressed. I wouldn't have to lie to my friends and family all the time. I just don't know how to get rid of it. Sure, start eating. Easy. It's just not like that. All of a sudden I start thinking about how massive I am, and I look in the mirror and I see Beth Ditto. So, I probably need therapy. Definitely. Then, one day I won't have this secret life. I'm so happy when I'm with my friends, like I'm able to forget my ED for a while and just be normal. I wish it was like that all the time. =/
♥
|
(3 Comments |♥| Love me?)
|
| Day Two - Adderall |
[31 Mar 2009|08:27am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nervous |
] |
So I have my first midterm in a couple of hours. I'm kind of nervous. My teacher is the hardest marker in the whole school. Everyone knows that. There are twelve people in my class, and the other English blocks are full because no one wants to be in his class. I guess I just lucked out. So, I happen to think that I write pretty well. Well, on my first essay he gave me an 80. On the second he gave me a 90 or 91, but he says he never gives out anything more than an A-, and the class average for the essays is about 65. That's why I'm so nervous about the in-class midterm essay. Usually I can spend about seven hours to make sure my essays are perfect, now I have two hours without the book, or any other sources. FML.
I decided in light of midterms, on the days when I have midterms, I'm going to make my one meal breakfast rather than dinner so I can think during them. I just took my Adderall, and I'm already feeling like I need to study. The stuff kicks in really fast. I hate and love taking Adderall. It makes my hunger go away completely. I feel as if I've just eaten all day long, so that's good. Although it makes me a robot drone. Forget socialization. Thank God everyones too busy studying today. I don't take it usually because it makes me SO BORING. I mean I thought of how hilarious it would be if I went to a party on this stuff. Everyone would be screaming and laughing, and I would be stumbling around plastered, thinking about quadratic equations? Oh, right before I started puking blood, because you can't drink and take Adderall. Haha. Right, so I won't be trying that. I'm just like ten-twenty times happier when I'm not on it. When I wake up the next morning and it's all worn off I'm crazy happy. I just want to get up and dance, and have a little blue bird sing on my shoulder. I smile at everyone, hug everyone. I get so loud and excited about everything. Because when you're on it, nothing is exciting. All you can think about is work or completing tasks. It's useful, admittedly, no eating and lots of studying = skinny and good grades. But it's a great pain in my ass and my social life. My best friend, Emma always knows when I'm on it, and she teases me. She puts on this robot voice and goes, "Not programmed for social interaction. Does not compute." Bitch (;
Just another one of the sacrifices I make to be thin.
♥
|
(4 Comments |♥| Love me?)
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|